Assalamu alaikum, I feel a bit conflicted on the gay marriage issue. From a religious point of view, homosexuality is not permissible, and by extention, marriage between two people of the same sex isn’t permissible either. This is the same in the case of two unmarried people, a man and a woman, engaging in sexual relations, this is not permissible either, unless they are married.

However, I also have a tendency not to want to get into people’s business. And I also don’t want to be viewed as some sort of close-minded bigot either. So it makes me feel all the more conflicted when this is made into some sort of a civil rights, a la “just like other minorities”, kind of an issue. And I don’t think this is a civil rights issue, and I don’t think it can be compared to the times when people of different races couldn’t get married, to me, that is just not the same, especially from an Islamic perspective.

My problem with many of the anti-gay marriage amendments that have come up, and speaking for the one we had on the ballot in Florida, for example, was that the amendment stated specifically that “marriage is between one man and one woman”. Now firstly, I don’t really think the government should really be in the business of defining marriage in the first place, and secondly, as a Muslim, I didn’t feel that I could, in good conscience, vote “yes” on this particular amendment, because of the wording, and the fact that Allah gives men the right to four wives (not that all men should necessarily do this and I’m not attempting to go down this road and open up that can of worms). But polygyny is a right given by Allah, and I felt that by voting “yes” on this amendment, that I’d be voting “no” on something that Allah has ordained, i.e., men having multiple wives, as the exact wording in the amendment on the ballot in my state was “between one man and one woman”. Perhaps if it had said “between a man and a woman”, then I might have considered it.

In my mind, I put homosexuality, and I’m saying, the actual act, not necessarily the feelings, since to my knowledge, Islamicly speaking, there is a difference between the two, and heterosexual sex between two unmarried people, in the same category, i.e., it’s not permissible. Having said that, I know people who are together and not married, and I know people who are gay. Does this mean I’m going to run into their bedroom and physically stop them from doing whatever it is they are doing at that moment? No, because, uh, that is totally unrealistic, and would probably be extremely embarrassing for everyone involved. Would I sit them down and tell them that what they are doing is wrong? Probably not, because from what I’ve learned, when giving advice, it must not only be done in a calm and mature way (as opposed to being harsh and overbearing), I’ve also been taught that it’s not a good idea to give advice if the person on the receiving end of that advice would not take it very well or would not be receptive to taking that advice. So for me, no it’s not right, however, I also understand that we live in a country with people of differing religious views, or no religion at all. And our government should be able to accommodate everyone, that is, of course, if we are suppose to have a government that is forbidden from promoting one religion over another.

However, if I’m asked specifically, “do you agree with gay marriage” or “what do you think of homosexuality”, my answer would be, as a Muslim, my religion tels me it’s wrong. However, I am not in a Muslim country, and there are a lot of things that are legal in this country, that Islamicly speaking, are not permissible, and consuming pork and alcohol are but two examples of this. So I don’t see homosexuality as a special issue, it’s just part of the rubric of things that Allah has commanded us as Muslims not to engage in.

As far as Proposition 8 in California goes, I’m not sure what the exact wording was on the measure, however, if it was anything like the wording in Florida, I might well have voted “no” for it also. I think that Muslims who are saying that Muslims need to speak out strongly against gay marriage, and who also need to support measures such as Proposition 8, perhaps need to take a more nuanced view of the whole “gay marriage” issue, as much of the wording going into measures striking down gay marriage, or introducing laws in states that don’t already have gay marriage on the books forbidding it, say specifically “one man and one woman”. So, in supporting anti-gay marriage ballot measures and legislation, do Muslims want to also, at the same time, throw away any hope in the future of having polygynous marriages legally recognized in the US? Because many of the groups who are anti gay marriage, are also anti polygyny (and Anti Muslim too). So I’m just saying this is an issue that IMHO, we need to be careful about, as it could hurt us too, in the long run.

As far as two people of the same sex wanting to get married goes, homosexuality is something I’ve never been able to understand. Perhaps that sounds naive, perhaps that sounds close-minded, but I have to be honest about that. But I can understand the desire to have this “right” bestowed on you, when you are seeing heterosexual couples enjoying this right. And if you love someone and you want to enter into the ultimate commitment with them, but you can’t because of the laws in your state, I can understand how hurtful that could be. Having said that, though, I can’t in good conscience, get behind efforts to legalize gay marriage, whether in California or anywhere else, because though Man may be saying it’s OK, God says otherwise! However, I also don’t have a desire to introduce any anti-gay marriage amendments either. And gay marriage is not the same as interracial marriage, civil rights, or any other comparison, simply because God never said, in my religious tradition anyway, that people of differing races, abilities, cultures, etc. *couldn’t* marry. So I’m just putting that in there before I get any “but what if they said blind or disabled people couldn’t marry, what would you say then?”. It just ain’t the same thing, sorry.

So I guess you could say I take a bit of a neutral position on this issue, because I don’t see it as my issue, and I don’t like the wording or who’s behind many of the heretofore proposed, and in some cases passed, amendments and ballot measures. I don’t think the government should be telling anyone who and who can’t get married, whether it’s a homosexual couple or a man marrying his second wife. At the same time, though, as I said before, I don’t agree with gay marriage on religious grounds. So perhaps “neutral” isn’t the right word for my opinion on this issue, “nuanced” might be a more appropriate term to use.